As I study and ponder I have what is referred to as "ah-ha moments"- I like to think of these as "no-duh moments". With effort gospel principles make so much sense and the things I learn seem so simple, true and as if they should be quite obvious, but we are here to gain experience and exercise faith. When we learn truth it will be simple and clear. The spirit testifies of truth and brings clarity and greater understanding to the mind. I love how much sense the gospel can make as we put forth the effort to understand truth. I hope to have many more of these "no-duh moments" in my life.
I have been thinking a lot about the manner in which we bear testimony, teach and learn. In bearing testimony and teaching I feel more clarity, humility, and plainness of speech would be more effective. I believe being more in tune with the spirit and by studying the Savior's example would increase our effectiveness in both teaching and bearing testimony.
I am coming to believe that in able to more clearly communicate it is important to understanding the difference between knowing something to be true and having faith and hope that something is true. I have considered how it would feel to be an investigator in the church and hearing members express all the many things they know. I would probably be thinking something like "Well how? How do they know?!" I would also think it quite a daunting task or even impossible to ever reach such a level of understanding or knowledge even if it what they were professing was true. How much more attainable finding such a testimony would seem if the person had more a feeling of invitation to join the testimony bearer in faith and hope that the things they believed were true?
Really I do not know. I realize my past posts probably contradict this idea (so great we are all here learning and growing :] ) but knowing is something that has already happened. For example, I know I brushed my teeth this morning. However, I do not know that I will brush my teeth tonight. I have hope and faith in myself that I will brush my teeth but I can't have actual knowledge until I have done it.
One day I hope to be blessed by God to know the many things I have strong faith and hope in to be true but until that day I need to adjust the way I think and speak. I will focus more on faith, hope, gratitude and belief to express my thoughts and feelings. I believe if I have this attitude I will be more humble and willing to work harder to increase my hope and faith making more possible for God to bless me with actual knowledge.
Another thing to think about and study is the relation between testimony and knowledge. What does it mean to testify? Well that is for another night... it is late and I already feel I have been a little confusing and scattered in recording my thoughts.
I believe becoming more humble and realizing how much I don't know will make it possible for my faith and hope to grow, allowing more room for the atonement to work in my life. I can cast out the pride in my heart and as I do my heart can become as clay in the Lord's hands.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Choose to perceive the light
Well it has been quite a while... I have a hard time writing when I am not stable. My emotions have been so crazy the last month. It is sort of annoying actually. Oh well life is changing so much right now so I guess my crazy girl emotions will do the same.
It may be difficult to recognize answers to our prayers or blessings in our life. The adversary will use all means to distract us during the times of God's greatest work in our lives. We will be bombarded with trials, temptations and anything else Satan can use to draw our attention away from God's mercy and kindness into sadness and despair. I have even seen how Satan can disguise blessings and answers with pessimism and negativeness. Examples of this can be found in several scripture stories and church history. I must remember during difficult times to search for the blessings and answers God is granting me. They are surely there and will be during the seemingly most trying times of life.
Pray. Ponder. Study. Serve.
"Sometimes the sun rises on a morning that is cloudy or foggy [and] perceiving the light is more difficult, and identifying the precise moment when the sun rises over the horizon is not possible. But on such a morning we nonetheless have sufficient light to recognize a new day and to conduct our affairs."
-Elder Bednar
-Elder Bednar
It may be difficult to recognize answers to our prayers or blessings in our life. The adversary will use all means to distract us during the times of God's greatest work in our lives. We will be bombarded with trials, temptations and anything else Satan can use to draw our attention away from God's mercy and kindness into sadness and despair. I have even seen how Satan can disguise blessings and answers with pessimism and negativeness. Examples of this can be found in several scripture stories and church history. I must remember during difficult times to search for the blessings and answers God is granting me. They are surely there and will be during the seemingly most trying times of life.
Pray. Ponder. Study. Serve.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Recognize your success & Follow it up with a great shot!
ohhh boyyy. It sure has been a long time since I have posted. The last week or so has been interesting to say the least. I got in a little bit of a slump. But I refused to stay in it. I popped in and out of it quite a bit, on a daily basis, actually, more like an hour to hour basis. Satan really tried super hard to knock me down. But I have not allowed him to win and will not. My hope was never lost- my strength just seemed to leave a little. My mind felt tired. But the Savior has made up where I could not keep going. I will slowly but surely work my way up to a spiritual point I have never reached before. This is how all my hard times go. A great experience almost always follows.
My plan of attack for the next little while is to recognize what I am doing that is good in my life verses recognizing and focusing on all the things that I'm not doing exactly right. I have learned this concept in many different experiences. For example, in a round of golf there is no possible way you are going to hit every single shot perfectly. You are sure to have several that don't go exactly as you would like and even a few that are absolutely horrible. Hitting each shot perfectly does not make a great golfer- it is the kind of shot(s) that come after a bad one that make a good golfer or bad golfer. If you focus on your horrible shot and beat yourself up about your mistake you are bound to hit several more that are similar. If you can be positive, recognize your abilities to continue in success you will more than likely be able to follow up your mishit with a great shot. This gives confidence which will result in your best possible performance. As goes for life. There is no way possible we can go through this life without making a mistake or feeling down about something. Heavenly Father knows that. If we can follow up a poor choice with a great one or a negative feeling with a positive one we will be able to continue our life in confidence. Confidence in ourselves, Jesus Christ's atonement, God and even those around us.
I feel this is a lesson I have been learning for quite some time and will continue to learn. I desire to get it on the scale of moments. If I have a negative feeling or poor decision I hope one day I will be able to improve the following moment with a positive feeling or decision.
Life is beautiful and wonderful. The plan of salvation brings great hope for the future. Faith in the atonement makes this hope possible. I am so grateful. I am grateful to learn. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for my AMAZING, supportive, loving, UNDERSTANDING family. They truly are absolutely wonderful. I am so grateful for them. Oh I just love them so much I wish there were more appropriate words to explain the way I feel about them.
My plan of attack for the next little while is to recognize what I am doing that is good in my life verses recognizing and focusing on all the things that I'm not doing exactly right. I have learned this concept in many different experiences. For example, in a round of golf there is no possible way you are going to hit every single shot perfectly. You are sure to have several that don't go exactly as you would like and even a few that are absolutely horrible. Hitting each shot perfectly does not make a great golfer- it is the kind of shot(s) that come after a bad one that make a good golfer or bad golfer. If you focus on your horrible shot and beat yourself up about your mistake you are bound to hit several more that are similar. If you can be positive, recognize your abilities to continue in success you will more than likely be able to follow up your mishit with a great shot. This gives confidence which will result in your best possible performance. As goes for life. There is no way possible we can go through this life without making a mistake or feeling down about something. Heavenly Father knows that. If we can follow up a poor choice with a great one or a negative feeling with a positive one we will be able to continue our life in confidence. Confidence in ourselves, Jesus Christ's atonement, God and even those around us.
I feel this is a lesson I have been learning for quite some time and will continue to learn. I desire to get it on the scale of moments. If I have a negative feeling or poor decision I hope one day I will be able to improve the following moment with a positive feeling or decision.
Life is beautiful and wonderful. The plan of salvation brings great hope for the future. Faith in the atonement makes this hope possible. I am so grateful. I am grateful to learn. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for my AMAZING, supportive, loving, UNDERSTANDING family. They truly are absolutely wonderful. I am so grateful for them. Oh I just love them so much I wish there were more appropriate words to explain the way I feel about them.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Choose This Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cw8I8eukaI
If I choose to serve Him this day, things WILL be better the next. This is so true. If you serve God you feel His love for you. This gives you identity as a His child which gives the strength and desire to move forward in righteousness.
Last week was a struggle. Saturday night I had a long conversation with my friend Paul. I don't know if it was anything he said or what but I felt SO much better after talking to him. I felt sort of selfish because we talked about me so much and my issues but I need to be humble and accept the help the Lord sends me. He works through my fellow brothers and sisters here on Earth. I have a strong testimony of this and I am so grateful for Paul's help.
I found myself in a negative cycle last week involving a loss of hope for those that I care about around me, negative thoughts about myself and some of my ED. It was started on Tuesday and got pretty bad on Thursday to horrible on Saturday. But it stopped there. Sunday was WAY better. Monday was amazing. And today, Tuesday was great. I love the gospel. I love how much I learn because I have the guidance of the Spirit. I have the word of God. I am able to speak with God. I have great friends and family. Life is truly wonderful!
I am proud of myself for not staying in my little rut for very long. The week before had been AMAZING. One of the best weeks mentally that I have ever had since I was a child. So Satan was probably not happy with that. That is okay though. I probably needed some humbling from God anyway. I know it has made me stronger. I must pray in Thanks for the trial and to more fully understand its importance in my spiritual growth and how to apply what I learned from it into my life.
Something I am grateful for- the gift of compassion. It is one that God has blessed me with and helped me develop. I have definitely not always been one to love everyone. I feel compassion and love for people that have recently become a part of my daily life that before I would have most likely despised. God has blessed me with the ability to see them as His children, my fellow brother and sister. I only desire happiness for them. I feel sorry for them- the way they value family and treat their children. I feel sorry that the gospel is not a part of their life. It is not possible for me to share the gift of the gospel with them because of work regulations but they know I am LDS so I will do my best to share it with them through my actions. I can also share my testimony through my thoughts. I should work on this more. I honestly look at these people with an aching love in my heart, that is the only way I know how to describe it. They just don't know. But I am grateful for this gift of compassion and love I have obtained from the God through the direction of the Holy Ghost.
If I choose to serve Him this day, things WILL be better the next. This is so true. If you serve God you feel His love for you. This gives you identity as a His child which gives the strength and desire to move forward in righteousness.
Last week was a struggle. Saturday night I had a long conversation with my friend Paul. I don't know if it was anything he said or what but I felt SO much better after talking to him. I felt sort of selfish because we talked about me so much and my issues but I need to be humble and accept the help the Lord sends me. He works through my fellow brothers and sisters here on Earth. I have a strong testimony of this and I am so grateful for Paul's help.
I found myself in a negative cycle last week involving a loss of hope for those that I care about around me, negative thoughts about myself and some of my ED. It was started on Tuesday and got pretty bad on Thursday to horrible on Saturday. But it stopped there. Sunday was WAY better. Monday was amazing. And today, Tuesday was great. I love the gospel. I love how much I learn because I have the guidance of the Spirit. I have the word of God. I am able to speak with God. I have great friends and family. Life is truly wonderful!
I am proud of myself for not staying in my little rut for very long. The week before had been AMAZING. One of the best weeks mentally that I have ever had since I was a child. So Satan was probably not happy with that. That is okay though. I probably needed some humbling from God anyway. I know it has made me stronger. I must pray in Thanks for the trial and to more fully understand its importance in my spiritual growth and how to apply what I learned from it into my life.
Something I am grateful for- the gift of compassion. It is one that God has blessed me with and helped me develop. I have definitely not always been one to love everyone. I feel compassion and love for people that have recently become a part of my daily life that before I would have most likely despised. God has blessed me with the ability to see them as His children, my fellow brother and sister. I only desire happiness for them. I feel sorry for them- the way they value family and treat their children. I feel sorry that the gospel is not a part of their life. It is not possible for me to share the gift of the gospel with them because of work regulations but they know I am LDS so I will do my best to share it with them through my actions. I can also share my testimony through my thoughts. I should work on this more. I honestly look at these people with an aching love in my heart, that is the only way I know how to describe it. They just don't know. But I am grateful for this gift of compassion and love I have obtained from the God through the direction of the Holy Ghost.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Everyone must know!
My heart is literally aching right now for those that do not know what I know. Those who do not have faith that families can be together forever. Those who don't know the peace and hope that can come from the Book of Mormon. Those who do not have the gift of the Holy Ghost with them each day. Those who do not know the redeeming, strengthening, hopeful power Jesus Christ's atonement contains! I'm not sure I have ever felt so desperate to share this with everyone! Everyone needs to know! Knowledge of the plan of salvation is essential for return to God.... I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to obtain celestial life. I don't want any of my brother's and sisters to be left behind! They must know!
I want to shout the truths of the gospel to everyone! Everyone needs to know! I feel no anger, hate or malice toward one soul. Not murders, not those who have done my family or friends wrong- I only feel pain and sorrow because they do not have the truth and happiness the gospel contains.
I must be humble and patient. I must listen to the spirit and share the truths I know on the Lord's time in His way. I will pray every day for guidance to teach and spread these precious truths. I believe in heaven I must have promised my fellow brothers and sisters that I would come find them and help them come to the truth. I must pray to be inspired to know when and how to share with my friends, family and acquaintances.
I want to shout the truths of the gospel to everyone! Everyone needs to know! I feel no anger, hate or malice toward one soul. Not murders, not those who have done my family or friends wrong- I only feel pain and sorrow because they do not have the truth and happiness the gospel contains.
I must be humble and patient. I must listen to the spirit and share the truths I know on the Lord's time in His way. I will pray every day for guidance to teach and spread these precious truths. I believe in heaven I must have promised my fellow brothers and sisters that I would come find them and help them come to the truth. I must pray to be inspired to know when and how to share with my friends, family and acquaintances.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Weakness to Strength
I am so grateful for the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Today was a great day. I will probably have a few more of these kinds of days and than Satan will surely hit hard as he always seems too when I find myself making steps closer to God.
Some decisions I must make to align my will more with God's do not necessarily make sense at the time. I may not see how it will work or what blessings will come but for the most part I will do it with only the knowledge that Heavenly Father asked me too.
But then there is the main issue in my life- I have dealt with on a daily basis for years. And God has made very clear to me several of the blessings I will receive if I choose to resist the temptations. The blessings will be endless and wonderful! Satan's influence in my life has been able replace those thoughts of glorifying God and the blessings I could receive by resisting temptation with thoughts of justification. It is so frustrating.
I must say I have made GREAT progress in this area that I have struggled with since I was no older than the age of 8. Okay....... so I have struggled with eating disorders. I will not go into all the details about all the different stages and degrees of it, it has had its super ugly moments though. BUT, that is okay because I am in the best place I have ever been and I continue to make huge strides on a weekly and could probably even say daily basis. I have actually not been in a super bad place with this stuff almost a year, I am truly making progress. It is wonderful! Christ's atonement truly does work miracles in our lives, not overnight but with our patience and time it can heal us.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do, not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased."
-Heber S. Grant
I am so grateful for this trial. I know it has brought several blessings to my life, many I don't even recognize yet. I am closer to Heavenly Father. I have come to understand His unconditional love for me. This has in turn helped with my confidence. I have grown to understand the atonement and continue each day to feel the great power its influence offers. I have developed patience, with myself, others and with the Lord's timing. Also, I now have experience with something that many people struggle with. I can have empathy. I know how I will help my daughters and young women I will have influence over, to avoid the horrible feelings and ideals that I have learned to change within myself. This truly has been such a blessing! I feel like each day I am getting better and better. I believe if I can recognize and remember more often that this has and is a blessing to my life that I can more successfully turn this weakness into a strength.....
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I will make weak things become strong unto them."
-Ether 12:27
Oh how I love the simple but powerful truths of the gospel!
A thought I had last night that was quite motivating. I am not perfect by any means but I really really try to do my best and to live in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I feel I would give up anything in my life if it were to put my life more in line with His will. For some reason my eating disorders have not been that simple but last night I thought... "right now with your understanding, the maind thing in your life that is not in line with God's will is the last bit of mental/physical eating disorder stuff you deal with. This is the main block keeping you from having the opportunity to live with Heavenly Father again. Why would you ever let something so dumb keep you from the thing you desire most!? You can not even receive much more knowledge about where and how to align your will more fully with God's until you have done what He has already asked. You are almost there though- Satan is just putting in his last greatest effort, hoping to pull you all the way back down. Do not even give him a chance! You are the one with the body, meaning you have power over him. As it states in your blessing 'He [Satan] is not given the power to enter your life except through invitation.' Do not invite him in. 'Let virtue garnish thy thoughts... unceasingly.' D&C 121:45 " So this helped a lot today. I will not let this one stupid issue keep me from standing clean before Jesus Christ and God.
My eating disorder crap may seem more complicated at times than I have made it sound here.... but it really is not that complicated. Satan complicates the issue and mixes in feelings and the long history I have with this disorder to make me feel incapable of ever beating it. But it really is not that complicated. I must keep it simple and not let this dumb dumb dumb disorder keep me from moving forward and progressing towards eternal life. This is why I have felt so strongly that I should be striving to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost at all times because it simplifies things. The Holy Ghost will not confuse me but will bring clarity and reveal simple instruction and truth to my mind. This will erase Satan's ability to complicate and overcrowd my mind with unnecessary worries, concerns and thoughts.
I am so grateful for the gospel. I am grateful for trials. I am grateful for strength that comes from the atonement. I am grateful for the direction that comes from the Spirit. And I am grateful for God's unconditional, never ending love for me.
Some decisions I must make to align my will more with God's do not necessarily make sense at the time. I may not see how it will work or what blessings will come but for the most part I will do it with only the knowledge that Heavenly Father asked me too.
But then there is the main issue in my life- I have dealt with on a daily basis for years. And God has made very clear to me several of the blessings I will receive if I choose to resist the temptations. The blessings will be endless and wonderful! Satan's influence in my life has been able replace those thoughts of glorifying God and the blessings I could receive by resisting temptation with thoughts of justification. It is so frustrating.
I must say I have made GREAT progress in this area that I have struggled with since I was no older than the age of 8. Okay....... so I have struggled with eating disorders. I will not go into all the details about all the different stages and degrees of it, it has had its super ugly moments though. BUT, that is okay because I am in the best place I have ever been and I continue to make huge strides on a weekly and could probably even say daily basis. I have actually not been in a super bad place with this stuff almost a year, I am truly making progress. It is wonderful! Christ's atonement truly does work miracles in our lives, not overnight but with our patience and time it can heal us.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do, not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased."
-Heber S. Grant
I am so grateful for this trial. I know it has brought several blessings to my life, many I don't even recognize yet. I am closer to Heavenly Father. I have come to understand His unconditional love for me. This has in turn helped with my confidence. I have grown to understand the atonement and continue each day to feel the great power its influence offers. I have developed patience, with myself, others and with the Lord's timing. Also, I now have experience with something that many people struggle with. I can have empathy. I know how I will help my daughters and young women I will have influence over, to avoid the horrible feelings and ideals that I have learned to change within myself. This truly has been such a blessing! I feel like each day I am getting better and better. I believe if I can recognize and remember more often that this has and is a blessing to my life that I can more successfully turn this weakness into a strength.....
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I will make weak things become strong unto them."
-Ether 12:27
Oh how I love the simple but powerful truths of the gospel!
A thought I had last night that was quite motivating. I am not perfect by any means but I really really try to do my best and to live in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I feel I would give up anything in my life if it were to put my life more in line with His will. For some reason my eating disorders have not been that simple but last night I thought... "right now with your understanding, the maind thing in your life that is not in line with God's will is the last bit of mental/physical eating disorder stuff you deal with. This is the main block keeping you from having the opportunity to live with Heavenly Father again. Why would you ever let something so dumb keep you from the thing you desire most!? You can not even receive much more knowledge about where and how to align your will more fully with God's until you have done what He has already asked. You are almost there though- Satan is just putting in his last greatest effort, hoping to pull you all the way back down. Do not even give him a chance! You are the one with the body, meaning you have power over him. As it states in your blessing 'He [Satan] is not given the power to enter your life except through invitation.' Do not invite him in. 'Let virtue garnish thy thoughts... unceasingly.' D&C 121:45 " So this helped a lot today. I will not let this one stupid issue keep me from standing clean before Jesus Christ and God.
My eating disorder crap may seem more complicated at times than I have made it sound here.... but it really is not that complicated. Satan complicates the issue and mixes in feelings and the long history I have with this disorder to make me feel incapable of ever beating it. But it really is not that complicated. I must keep it simple and not let this dumb dumb dumb disorder keep me from moving forward and progressing towards eternal life. This is why I have felt so strongly that I should be striving to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost at all times because it simplifies things. The Holy Ghost will not confuse me but will bring clarity and reveal simple instruction and truth to my mind. This will erase Satan's ability to complicate and overcrowd my mind with unnecessary worries, concerns and thoughts.
I am so grateful for the gospel. I am grateful for trials. I am grateful for strength that comes from the atonement. I am grateful for the direction that comes from the Spirit. And I am grateful for God's unconditional, never ending love for me.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Remember: & yearn to return
A strong, great relationship between me and my Heavenly Father I believe already exists. The veil has made this relationship not as material in my mind. I do believe however it is not something I necessarily need to make stronger or develop but something I need to remember. I have derived this idea from my own thoughts and ideas so it may not be completely "correct".
I know God loves me. I know before I came to Earth I loved Him dearly. I know I wanted to do everything in my power to glorify Him and make Him proud. I am almost certain I had a wonderful special relationship with my Father. He sees me as His daughter with divine potential.
I must seek Him out. He must be waiting for me and knowing I will come to Him. I want to remember the relationship I have with Him. I want to miss Him greatly. I want to remember enough that I will be able to feel that strong desire to be with Him again (just as I miss family and friends here on earth when we are away from each other- or even stronger). If that desire can burn within my heart making daily choices will be simple. I would always act in a way that would bring me back to the Father I missed so greatly.
I hope to feel that longing to be with Him as I pray to have a greater remembrance of our relationship. More prayer, service and listening to the Holy Ghost. :)
Never ending love
I feel my intentions in life are good. I desire to be living in a way that is pleasing to Heavenly Father. I have recognized through my study this morning that my thought process on how to improve is not quite right. It goes along a little with my post from yesterday. I studied the chapter in Preach my Gospel about charity and love.
"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."
(footnote- ... for charity preventeth a multitude of sins.)
-1 Peter 4:8
I need to develop this pure love of Christ. This will take much dedicated thought and of course special attention to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
Charity envieth not. This is one major area of charity in which I struggle. I used to DWELL on others talents and beauty and be super jealous. I have been working on this flaw having some improvement. I do not so much dwell anymore and am able to overcome the thoughts faster but I think I know how I am going to ride myself of any type of jealous thought. I am going to fill myself with love for everyone that I am joyous instead of jealous of their beauties, talents and strengths. I used to try and overcome this flaw by trying to recognize all the good within myself thinking "Yes they might be this way or that way but I have this or that going for me". Not the best way to go about it. Now that have actually written this out I realize how horrible of a thought process it is and I am ashamed I have thought this way. But that is the glorious part of the gospel because God loves us we are able to recognize our weaknesses and make them into strengths through the atonement. So I will turn this weakness to a strength. I will celebrate everyone's strengths and wish the best for everyone. This does not mean I cannot desire the to obtain the strengths and attributes of others because I strongly believe we can learn so much from others. We develop by noticing others strengths and how to build them in our own lives but it must be done in a righteous way.
This post is kind of scattered. Honestly all this is quite scattered in my brain. Thoughts that I will continue to nourish that these truths I have learned through the Holy Ghost this morning may enter into my heart and mind creating an honest change in my character.
"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."
(footnote- ... for charity preventeth a multitude of sins.)
-1 Peter 4:8
I need to develop this pure love of Christ. This will take much dedicated thought and of course special attention to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
Charity envieth not. This is one major area of charity in which I struggle. I used to DWELL on others talents and beauty and be super jealous. I have been working on this flaw having some improvement. I do not so much dwell anymore and am able to overcome the thoughts faster but I think I know how I am going to ride myself of any type of jealous thought. I am going to fill myself with love for everyone that I am joyous instead of jealous of their beauties, talents and strengths. I used to try and overcome this flaw by trying to recognize all the good within myself thinking "Yes they might be this way or that way but I have this or that going for me". Not the best way to go about it. Now that have actually written this out I realize how horrible of a thought process it is and I am ashamed I have thought this way. But that is the glorious part of the gospel because God loves us we are able to recognize our weaknesses and make them into strengths through the atonement. So I will turn this weakness to a strength. I will celebrate everyone's strengths and wish the best for everyone. This does not mean I cannot desire the to obtain the strengths and attributes of others because I strongly believe we can learn so much from others. We develop by noticing others strengths and how to build them in our own lives but it must be done in a righteous way.
This post is kind of scattered. Honestly all this is quite scattered in my brain. Thoughts that I will continue to nourish that these truths I have learned through the Holy Ghost this morning may enter into my heart and mind creating an honest change in my character.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
He that shall lose his life shall find it
I have a great desire to obtain knowledge. Spiritual knowledge. There is not enough time in the day for me to study from the standard works, prophets council, church manuals and books. I literally hunger to learn and learn. What a blessing to have so much instruction... again with these many blessings come much responsibility. What great responsibility it is.
In order to grow and master my natural man I need to be more focused on others. "I" should not be the prominent pronoun in my thoughts or actions. Think of Christ's life. I imagine all of His thought's and action's were for the benefit of someone besides himself. His purpose was to lift others. I desire to obtain this purpose in all I do. In every action, how am I helping others? The Holy Ghost will be the mechanism I use to live in this way.
I will learn to be a better teacher. I just started reading today "Teach Ye Diligently" by Boyd K. Packer. I did not want to pick this book out of my small library though I believe I was compelled by the spirit to choose it. As I started to read the first two chapters I kept thinking "ah, I just want to put this book down. I want to read something like Miracle of Forgiveness so I can focus on my own problems and spirituality and where I can improve in my own life. I need to be better in so many areas before I can teach others. Plus, I am not even a parent yet." I almost switched to a different book a few times as these types of thoughts circled through my brain. Then about half way into the 2nd chapter as I was about to close the book and grab a different one, it hit me. This is what I NEED to focus on! If I can turn my thoughts to helping others learn how to live righteously and be truly happy I will learn for myself much faster and deeper the things I desire to learn myself. I will become a better person by taking the focus off myself and my problems and turning it towards others.
He that shall lose his life shall find it.
Christ was a teacher. More than just a teacher. He was THE teacher. The perfect teacher. I am trying to be like Him. So I must strive to be a teacher as well. I must pray more, study more and ponder more about being an effective teacher, led by the spirit.
This is an area where I lack greatly. I am in need of much training. I have never really thought about my need to grow as a teacher. It is amazing the amount of improvement necessary in so many areas of my life, areas of my life that I am not even aware of, that hardly even exist at this point, such as being a teacher. It is so wonderful that as I am seeking, the Lord is blessing me with knowledge of where to work and pray for improvement!
And at different times in my life I would have been way overwhelmed to recognize all these flaws and weaknesses but because I am seeking them out with the Spirit I feel more peaceful and joyful than ever. I feel hopeful that I will be able to improve where the Lord sees necessary. This is because I have faith in Heavenly Father's perfect plan. I have the hope that I can be purified even as Christ is pure (Moroni 7:48). Even with the many flaws I do posses. Through Christ's atonement and my best efforts- anything is possible!
In order to grow and master my natural man I need to be more focused on others. "I" should not be the prominent pronoun in my thoughts or actions. Think of Christ's life. I imagine all of His thought's and action's were for the benefit of someone besides himself. His purpose was to lift others. I desire to obtain this purpose in all I do. In every action, how am I helping others? The Holy Ghost will be the mechanism I use to live in this way.
I will learn to be a better teacher. I just started reading today "Teach Ye Diligently" by Boyd K. Packer. I did not want to pick this book out of my small library though I believe I was compelled by the spirit to choose it. As I started to read the first two chapters I kept thinking "ah, I just want to put this book down. I want to read something like Miracle of Forgiveness so I can focus on my own problems and spirituality and where I can improve in my own life. I need to be better in so many areas before I can teach others. Plus, I am not even a parent yet." I almost switched to a different book a few times as these types of thoughts circled through my brain. Then about half way into the 2nd chapter as I was about to close the book and grab a different one, it hit me. This is what I NEED to focus on! If I can turn my thoughts to helping others learn how to live righteously and be truly happy I will learn for myself much faster and deeper the things I desire to learn myself. I will become a better person by taking the focus off myself and my problems and turning it towards others.
He that shall lose his life shall find it.
Christ was a teacher. More than just a teacher. He was THE teacher. The perfect teacher. I am trying to be like Him. So I must strive to be a teacher as well. I must pray more, study more and ponder more about being an effective teacher, led by the spirit.
This is an area where I lack greatly. I am in need of much training. I have never really thought about my need to grow as a teacher. It is amazing the amount of improvement necessary in so many areas of my life, areas of my life that I am not even aware of, that hardly even exist at this point, such as being a teacher. It is so wonderful that as I am seeking, the Lord is blessing me with knowledge of where to work and pray for improvement!
And at different times in my life I would have been way overwhelmed to recognize all these flaws and weaknesses but because I am seeking them out with the Spirit I feel more peaceful and joyful than ever. I feel hopeful that I will be able to improve where the Lord sees necessary. This is because I have faith in Heavenly Father's perfect plan. I have the hope that I can be purified even as Christ is pure (Moroni 7:48). Even with the many flaws I do posses. Through Christ's atonement and my best efforts- anything is possible!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Living by your personal knowledge and understanding
"That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thansgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you."
-Alma 34:38
I have been more receptive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Still by no means perfect but I am improving. It is a wonderful feeling. I am filled with much more peace, hope and joy. I have more love and understanding in my heart. I am able to recognize prideful thoughts and then pray for humility.
Integrity: how a person acts in accordance to their knowledge and understanding of right and wrong. Am I a person of integrity? I feel I try but I could do much better. It is becoming easier to do as I am more sensitive to promptings. I am also gaining more knowledge of where there is needed improvement in several areas of my life. So exciting!
I am so grateful I am able to recognize my shortcomings, pray for humility and then with my efforts and Christ's atonement come closer to God by aligning my will with His. Where there are great blessings such as these there comes great responsibility! I must be more honest with myself and not allow Satan's justifications to enter my mind. As a person of integrity I need to be honest with myself in how I am really doing- and not by the world's standards or really anyone's standards except for the ones that God and I have set up together. I know as I strive to do this God will bless me with more direction for improvement in all areas of my life.
The scripture I wrote above is one that encompasses integrity. I greatly desire to acquire this attribute by being a person of integrity in relation to God, my fellow man and to myself.
-Alma 34:38
I have been more receptive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Still by no means perfect but I am improving. It is a wonderful feeling. I am filled with much more peace, hope and joy. I have more love and understanding in my heart. I am able to recognize prideful thoughts and then pray for humility.
Integrity: how a person acts in accordance to their knowledge and understanding of right and wrong. Am I a person of integrity? I feel I try but I could do much better. It is becoming easier to do as I am more sensitive to promptings. I am also gaining more knowledge of where there is needed improvement in several areas of my life. So exciting!
I am so grateful I am able to recognize my shortcomings, pray for humility and then with my efforts and Christ's atonement come closer to God by aligning my will with His. Where there are great blessings such as these there comes great responsibility! I must be more honest with myself and not allow Satan's justifications to enter my mind. As a person of integrity I need to be honest with myself in how I am really doing- and not by the world's standards or really anyone's standards except for the ones that God and I have set up together. I know as I strive to do this God will bless me with more direction for improvement in all areas of my life.
The scripture I wrote above is one that encompasses integrity. I greatly desire to acquire this attribute by being a person of integrity in relation to God, my fellow man and to myself.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Becoming as God is
A friend pointed out to me today a thought provoking idea about our eternal goal. We are learning to become as God is, this I know (although I do not fully understand all that it entails). I am so focused on listening to the Spirit but should I also understand that I must be able to make some decisions without His assistance? If I want to be like Him one day I will be making choices without His direction in all things. This is just something to think more about. I am not sure if I completely understood or correctly portrayed my friend's suggestion in my record or not. Hope I got it.
Today the Holy Ghost was present throughout a great majority of the day. I am so grateful I was blessed with humility to obey promptings throughout the day. I know that is why I had a wonderful day and things went so smoothly. The Holy Ghost is inspiring me in all I do. I am becoming a person of integrity. I never thought of myself as someone lacking much in that area but as I am more aware of the Spirit's direction in my life I realize there is room for much improvement in my day to day activities. I believe my heart and intentions are good but at times my actions do not fully align. I have been able to see things as they really are. I am able to be more honest with myself about how I am REALLY handling life. As I am able to recognize my shortcomings more easily I will be able to grow so much more! How exciting! I love life. I love my shortcomings- they provide great opportunity to obtain wisdom. I embrace my weaknesses and the journey to be taken with each of them that will turn them to strengths!
Today the Holy Ghost was present throughout a great majority of the day. I am so grateful I was blessed with humility to obey promptings throughout the day. I know that is why I had a wonderful day and things went so smoothly. The Holy Ghost is inspiring me in all I do. I am becoming a person of integrity. I never thought of myself as someone lacking much in that area but as I am more aware of the Spirit's direction in my life I realize there is room for much improvement in my day to day activities. I believe my heart and intentions are good but at times my actions do not fully align. I have been able to see things as they really are. I am able to be more honest with myself about how I am REALLY handling life. As I am able to recognize my shortcomings more easily I will be able to grow so much more! How exciting! I love life. I love my shortcomings- they provide great opportunity to obtain wisdom. I embrace my weaknesses and the journey to be taken with each of them that will turn them to strengths!
Friday, January 13, 2012
By small and simple things are great things brought to pass
My life is full of wonderful experiences. Not all would seem that way from a glance but when viewed with an eternal perspective they truly are great blessings from Heavenly Father. I am grateful for every opportunity I have been blessed with, the good and the seemingly bad. I feel the greatest thing that has come through all these experiences is the growth in my understanding of my relationship with the Holy Ghost. I have much more to learn and I am trying to remember that through each day. Every moment of each day is a chance for me to grow closer to the spirit. I may not recognize it in each moment, maybe not that day or week or year or even in this life but every life event, small and large adds to my experience and knowledge. I pray I will be in tune with the spirit so that I can learn from my experiences sooner than later that way I can move on to learning new things. I feel at times the Lord has to teach me the same things over and over again but I have a great desire to learn and grow closer to Him. More humility will be necessary for me to immediately heed and understand the Spirit's instruction in my life.
I feel it would be beneficial to reflect on past experiences I have had learning from the Holy Ghost so that I can better see and understand our relationship and my responsibilities in it. And also to recognize the daily blessings, mercies, and miracles the Lord has given to me.
One day, actually it was on my 19th birthday I believe, October 8, 2009 I was rushing to get out the door for golf practice. I was half way up the stairs of my basement apartment when I the thought "put on your tennis shoes." came to me. "Eh, nope flip flops are good" I thought and continued up the stairs, I would be changing to my golf shoes as soon as I got to the course anyway. As I reached the top step I got the urge to change my shoes again. As fast as I could I went back down the stairs and put on my tennis shoes, not thinking much of it after that. I was almost to the course and a little boy around the age of 7 began frantically waving at me as I drove by. I drove a little past then decided to turn around. The little boy had tears streaming down his face. "My dog ran away and I cannot catch him!" He cried to me. I began helping this sweet boy chase down his dog and lets just say this was quite an adventure. I walked the boy and his dog back up the hill to his home. As I got back in my car and drove to practice I realized how difficult and maybe even impossible it would have been to help this little boy had I not listened to the quiet suggestion of the Holy Ghost to change out of my flip flops to tennis shoes.
These types of experiences may seem unimportant but for me they are monumental in the development of my relationship with the Holy Ghost and my understanding of God's hand in everyday life. These things are what I use to fill my heart with gratitude :). I pray I will be more aware of these experiences in my life in this way I will be more available to the suggestions of the Spirit and I will be able to remember more clearly my relationship with Heavenly Father.
(I will be adding more of these experiences as I continue this blog.)
I feel it would be beneficial to reflect on past experiences I have had learning from the Holy Ghost so that I can better see and understand our relationship and my responsibilities in it. And also to recognize the daily blessings, mercies, and miracles the Lord has given to me.
One day, actually it was on my 19th birthday I believe, October 8, 2009 I was rushing to get out the door for golf practice. I was half way up the stairs of my basement apartment when I the thought "put on your tennis shoes." came to me. "Eh, nope flip flops are good" I thought and continued up the stairs, I would be changing to my golf shoes as soon as I got to the course anyway. As I reached the top step I got the urge to change my shoes again. As fast as I could I went back down the stairs and put on my tennis shoes, not thinking much of it after that. I was almost to the course and a little boy around the age of 7 began frantically waving at me as I drove by. I drove a little past then decided to turn around. The little boy had tears streaming down his face. "My dog ran away and I cannot catch him!" He cried to me. I began helping this sweet boy chase down his dog and lets just say this was quite an adventure. I walked the boy and his dog back up the hill to his home. As I got back in my car and drove to practice I realized how difficult and maybe even impossible it would have been to help this little boy had I not listened to the quiet suggestion of the Holy Ghost to change out of my flip flops to tennis shoes.
These types of experiences may seem unimportant but for me they are monumental in the development of my relationship with the Holy Ghost and my understanding of God's hand in everyday life. These things are what I use to fill my heart with gratitude :). I pray I will be more aware of these experiences in my life in this way I will be more available to the suggestions of the Spirit and I will be able to remember more clearly my relationship with Heavenly Father.
(I will be adding more of these experiences as I continue this blog.)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome
In response to yesterday's experience I post this quote from Joseph Smith.
"... God has created man with a mind capable of instruction and a faculty which may be enlarged in proportion to the need and diligence given to the light communicated from heaven to the intellect; and that the nearer man approaches perfection the clearer are his views and ... enjoyments, till he has overcome the evils of his life and lost every desire for sin... no man ever arrived in a moment"
I am grateful for struggle. I am grateful for opposition. I am grateful the Lord allows me to make mistakes and try harder. The atonement AND my efforts are both vital parts to overcoming the desires of my natural man or sin. This is the gift of free agency. If Christ came in every situation and answered all my prayers to take away my struggles and shortcomings this would be an infringement upon my free agency. This life is a gift God has given me to prove to myself that I can live up to my potential. He already knows I can do it but I need to prove to myself. So I must do all I can do and Christ's atonement will do what I cannot. What a perfect plan!
I decided this whole not making goal things is really hard for me! I am such a goal oriented person. I swear I make a new goal every hour of the day haha..... But I am so excited to be more focused on direction from the spirit. I did pretty good yesterday :) Ill do better today! I am so grateful for yesterday It has given me great motivation. So bring it on today....
:)
p.s. pronoun "I" is to often in your thoughts let the spirit direct your thoughts more towards others.
"... God has created man with a mind capable of instruction and a faculty which may be enlarged in proportion to the need and diligence given to the light communicated from heaven to the intellect; and that the nearer man approaches perfection the clearer are his views and ... enjoyments, till he has overcome the evils of his life and lost every desire for sin... no man ever arrived in a moment"
I am grateful for struggle. I am grateful for opposition. I am grateful the Lord allows me to make mistakes and try harder. The atonement AND my efforts are both vital parts to overcoming the desires of my natural man or sin. This is the gift of free agency. If Christ came in every situation and answered all my prayers to take away my struggles and shortcomings this would be an infringement upon my free agency. This life is a gift God has given me to prove to myself that I can live up to my potential. He already knows I can do it but I need to prove to myself. So I must do all I can do and Christ's atonement will do what I cannot. What a perfect plan!
I decided this whole not making goal things is really hard for me! I am such a goal oriented person. I swear I make a new goal every hour of the day haha..... But I am so excited to be more focused on direction from the spirit. I did pretty good yesterday :) Ill do better today! I am so grateful for yesterday It has given me great motivation. So bring it on today....
:)
p.s. pronoun "I" is to often in your thoughts let the spirit direct your thoughts more towards others.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I haven't given up but that does not mean Satan will
Well. Everything seemed so great this morning. And you know it still is great. It really is. But Satan was not easy on me this afternoon. I was not easy on myself. And I did not do everything according to the Spirit because I lost its influence for part of the day. I became really upset and mad at myself. WHY!. ugh. Why can I not just listen! How do I let Satan's justifications(lies) enter my mind! RRRR! but you know what. It is okay. I am fine. I am a daughter of God with divine potential. This is a learning experience for me. I will not give up. I am not going to say I am starting over tomorrow or whatever because this is a continuing journey. This day is part of the process to perfection. I am going to remember this day. I am going to do my best to take away from it what I can and use it to better myself. Satan would have me use it in a pessimistic way by making me feel like a failure. God would have me use it in positive way to better myself. I am not going to put it behind me but keep in my journey. God help me.
Let this teaching enter into your heart and soul
I could not sleep last night because my mind would not stop after all the things I was taught. I am finding ways to let what I learned continue to enter into my mind and soul to create a true change of heart. As I allow myself to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost my heart will be as clay in the Lord's hand.
So how do I plan to allow the spirit to work within me the way the Lord desires it to? I thought about this last night a lot. I know it is going to be through much prayer. I must be asking Heavenly Father throughout the day to help me or this will be impossible. I can not truly change without constant counsel with Him. I must also continue to focused study of the words of the prophets and my patriarchal blessing OFTEN. This really is a big cycle though because if I am hearkening unto the promptings of the Holy Ghost these things will be part of His direction.
I can learn by example of the great people that surround me in my life and their abilities to truly listen to the spirit and heed promptings. One person that has had a great influence on me is Sister Winn. She is continuously listening to the spirit throughout the day. In all of her many roles in life (mother, wife, daughter, ect.) she is not acting on her own will and thoughts. She acts according to her promptings. Someone else who has truly inspired me and had a great impression on me in the ability to listen to the spirit is Paul. In every thing he does he is listening to the spirit. He is slow to speak in any conversations concerning any topic because he is pondering and listening. He is not someone of haste because he truly seeks to do everything in accordance not to his own will or desires, but to the will of God. I am humbled to know him and to have had an opportunity to learn from his example.
I am so excited to become a more devoted disciple of Christ. I do not know why this is such a "light bulb" time for me. I have known and been taught it is important to listen to the spirit. And to an extent I have. But I guess it is has brought a great feeling of freedom and peace to my heart, soul and mind that I do not have to stress every day. Goal making does not have to be such a stressful and disappointing experience that I have made it out to be in my life. I simply have to live under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost. The gospel truly is so simple. We make it so much more complicated. It is pure and simple truths that lead us back to our Heavenly Father. It does not have to be a constant battle in the mind.
I am so grateful for the wonderful gift of the Holy Ghost that I have been blessed with. I am greatly humbled by Jesus Christ's atonement and the power it truly can have in my life if I only allow its influence to encompass my life, even from moment to moment. God is truly great and merciful.
I say these things in the name of the Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Goal #1: No Goals.
I began this blog about six months ago with the intention of it being a weight loss deal. I never got into it and had 0 posts concerning the matter.
Tonight I had a special spiritual experience. After prayer concerning things close to my heart I was directed to read the quotes, ideas, goals, and received inspiration that I have written down and posted in various places in my bedroom. As I moved through each part of my room I came to the picture of Christ I have hanging next to my window. On this picture I had posted 5 small pink sticky notes each containing counsel from D&C 93:1.
1. Forsake my sins
2. Come unto Him
3. Call on Him
4. Obey His voice
5. Keep His commandments
By doing these things the scripture says you may "...see my face and know that I am" I closed my eyes and began to ponder on these things. When I opened my eyes again and saw His face in the picture frame I was overcome by the Spirit. Christ was smiling upon me (Why? I do not know.... I do not deserve that). I felt engulfed in His love.
As I pondered, it was revealed to me that I am to stop making goals. I know this seems contrary to the way Kayla does things and maybe even to what we learn from the scriptures and our prophets but it was clear direction and I am going to heed my prompting. I am for a time not to make a single goal but to turn all my thoughts and energies to living under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost.
I know that this is going to take much dedication, practice and patient persistence. I must be worthy at every moment of the day to be under His influence. I do feel at this point in my life I listen to the Holy Ghost and heed the promptings I receive but not even close to the way the Lord has made clear to me tonight that I must be. And I do believe my constant goal making distracts my mind away from feeling and hearing promptings. This is a tool Satan uses against me- distracts me with TONS of goals so it is impossible to be successful at any of them and makes it difficult to be in tune with the spirit enough to know what God really wants me focused on. If I am able to come under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost, goal making I feel would be hardly necessary because I know that if I will listen the spirit will direct me in all things I should do, weather they be temporal or spiritual. Though I do not see much difference between "temporal " and "spiritual" because I believe all things are spiritual. That is a whole other discussion though and I will not get into this night.
Now as I laid down to sleep with joy in my soul and peace in my heart I decided I needed to record the key instructions I received tonight. On a piece of paper I wrote "live under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost." Next to this I put "This is it." I immediately remembered that was the same name of a blog I had started forever ago. How and why I remembered that??? Well....... I do not believe any of this is coincidence at all. I do not think no reason exists to why I started this blog months ago and could not come up with one thing to begin writing about although I had thought about it on more than one occasion. No this is not at all chance. The Lord has had this planned.
I do not believe this blog is necessarily for anyone to read but I believe it is going to be a key factor in my spiritual development and becoming a more righteous devoted disciple of Jesus Christ. I will record here the journey I am beginning in living by the counsel I have received tonight.
I am far from perfect and have made several mistakes, even in the last 24 hours. I have done things against the will of God in full knowledge and awareness at the time that it was not in line with God's will. BUT Christ still loves me. AND I was still greatly blessed tonight to be able to have such an experience even as a sinner. How? I do not deserve such mercy. My heart is full of gratitude. I am greatly humbled by this experience and look forward with hope and excitement to the things I will be learning in the near future.
Tonight I had a special spiritual experience. After prayer concerning things close to my heart I was directed to read the quotes, ideas, goals, and received inspiration that I have written down and posted in various places in my bedroom. As I moved through each part of my room I came to the picture of Christ I have hanging next to my window. On this picture I had posted 5 small pink sticky notes each containing counsel from D&C 93:1.
1. Forsake my sins
2. Come unto Him
3. Call on Him
4. Obey His voice
5. Keep His commandments
By doing these things the scripture says you may "...see my face and know that I am" I closed my eyes and began to ponder on these things. When I opened my eyes again and saw His face in the picture frame I was overcome by the Spirit. Christ was smiling upon me (Why? I do not know.... I do not deserve that). I felt engulfed in His love.
As I pondered, it was revealed to me that I am to stop making goals. I know this seems contrary to the way Kayla does things and maybe even to what we learn from the scriptures and our prophets but it was clear direction and I am going to heed my prompting. I am for a time not to make a single goal but to turn all my thoughts and energies to living under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost.
I know that this is going to take much dedication, practice and patient persistence. I must be worthy at every moment of the day to be under His influence. I do feel at this point in my life I listen to the Holy Ghost and heed the promptings I receive but not even close to the way the Lord has made clear to me tonight that I must be. And I do believe my constant goal making distracts my mind away from feeling and hearing promptings. This is a tool Satan uses against me- distracts me with TONS of goals so it is impossible to be successful at any of them and makes it difficult to be in tune with the spirit enough to know what God really wants me focused on. If I am able to come under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost, goal making I feel would be hardly necessary because I know that if I will listen the spirit will direct me in all things I should do, weather they be temporal or spiritual. Though I do not see much difference between "temporal " and "spiritual" because I believe all things are spiritual. That is a whole other discussion though and I will not get into this night.
Now as I laid down to sleep with joy in my soul and peace in my heart I decided I needed to record the key instructions I received tonight. On a piece of paper I wrote "live under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost." Next to this I put "This is it." I immediately remembered that was the same name of a blog I had started forever ago. How and why I remembered that??? Well....... I do not believe any of this is coincidence at all. I do not think no reason exists to why I started this blog months ago and could not come up with one thing to begin writing about although I had thought about it on more than one occasion. No this is not at all chance. The Lord has had this planned.
I do not believe this blog is necessarily for anyone to read but I believe it is going to be a key factor in my spiritual development and becoming a more righteous devoted disciple of Jesus Christ. I will record here the journey I am beginning in living by the counsel I have received tonight.
I am far from perfect and have made several mistakes, even in the last 24 hours. I have done things against the will of God in full knowledge and awareness at the time that it was not in line with God's will. BUT Christ still loves me. AND I was still greatly blessed tonight to be able to have such an experience even as a sinner. How? I do not deserve such mercy. My heart is full of gratitude. I am greatly humbled by this experience and look forward with hope and excitement to the things I will be learning in the near future.
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