My Story

EDNOS:
I went through all the different forms of eating disorders.  I would classify myself as someone who struggled with EDNOS (Eating disorder not otherwise specified).  This basically means I did not meet the qualifications to be under any one eating disorder. This is a VERY difficult disorder to deal with. I want people to understand you do not have to look a certain way to qualify for an eating disorder.  In fact, most people who struggle will be of a typical weight.

  If your interested in specific habits, feelings, and behaviors that I had please see the About tab.  When I was struggling this was what I looked for, I wanted to know if the person's story I was reading had the same behaviors as me. Although now I realize it is the process that is important, not necessarily the behaviors.

 There is much more to my story than what you will read here... it started at a young age but in an effort to focus on the hope and recovery part of my story I will share briefly. You can ask me ANY questions at all.  Do not hesitate.  Thanks everyone!

So here we go....

 When I tried to open up to family, friends,  or ecclesiastical leaders about my issues there response was "oh your fine! You look great!"  And I don't blame them the truth was my body didn't cry out I needed help.  Well if it didn't send that message I was going to lose the weight until it did.  The other reason they probably believed nothing could be the matter was because of how active I was. 

My first two years of college at North Idaho you would have thought I had it all together.  I was on the golf team, went to the gym every day, went to church and related activities 7-10 hours a week, was a senator in student council, officer in Phi Thetta Kappa, held a job, and took 17-19 credits.  I always seemed happy, had lots of friends, and was always serving and helping those around me.  The truth was a lot of the time I was happy and I was learning so much about myself and Jesus Christ.  Underneath all of that was a struggling young women fighting to do it all but I do believe this hard time was a part of my recovery process.

One night I was going on 7 days straight with not a morsel of food, very little sleep, and not leaving apartment at all, I was up super late planning how I would kill myself.  I knew where and how I was going to do it but luckily did not have the energy to get off my couch and I fell asleep.  The next day I realized what I had been planning and went seeking for help. I called my parents and then went to a counselor at school. I went to her a couple times but was unimpressed and couldn't afford to pay for a private counselor so I quit after 3 sessions.  I was able to get out a lot of my feelings and story to her though, which did help.  The verbalization of my issue was a great step.

I really struggled a lot and learned about the atonement and myself for the next 2/3 years.  I ended up transferring to BYU-I and during my second semester decided to go to the counselor to make sure everything was taken care of.  I was in the Social Work program and knew I needed to be stable.  I went in there super happy and honestly expecting her to meet with me a for a couple sessions to iron out a few small things,  mostly for her to tell me, like everyone else, that my issue was not that big of a deal, and to keep trying my best, I looked normal. Well that is not exactly what happened...

After 15 minutes of being in her office she told me I was way far past the BYUI counseling facilities resources and strongly suggested that I go into an inpatient therapy program in Utah.  At this point I was engaged to my husband Paul and she told me that I had no business getting married or having children until this issue was resolved.  I was out of her office in 20 minutes and in that time my entire world was crashing down. The lies I had believed that I was fine the way I was were torn out from under me. I felt everything was lost but the truth was this counselor's honesty was key.  Sure it was difficult, but I'm not sure I would be where I am today without her honesty.

Well, I struggled the rest of the semester with the words of the counselor always in the front of my mind.  I prayed and decided to finish out the semester and then go home to work on things. I did not feel the inpatient therapy program would be right for me. I ended up getting up the courage to attend the LDS Addiction Recovery Meetings.  That was the best decision of my entire life!  My story of recovery is Christ.  Christ has been my solution to everything.  He is way better than any diet or exercise plan. I won't explain my recovery here because it is all in my blog.

 Please see my blog for my journey to Christ, my recovery.  If you are just starting on the path to recovery please pray and choose which of my posts to read. I wish you the best. Feel free to contact me. kaylagarn@gmail.com

*If you want to experience it for yourself go to the Addiction Recovery tab on my page