Weakness to Strength

I am so grateful for the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Today was a great day. I will probably have a few more of these kinds of days and than Satan will surely hit hard as he always seems too when I find myself making steps closer to God.

Some decisions I must make to align my will more with God's do not necessarily make sense at the time. I may not see how it will work or what blessings will come but for the most part I will do it with only the knowledge that Heavenly Father asked me too.

But then there is the main issue in my life- I have dealt with on a daily basis for years. And God has made very clear to me several  of the blessings I will receive if I choose to resist the temptations. The blessings will be endless and wonderful! Satan's influence in my life has been able replace those thoughts of glorifying God and the blessings I could receive by resisting temptation with thoughts of justification. It is so frustrating.

 I must say I have made GREAT progress in this area that I have struggled with since I was no older than the age of 8. Okay....... so I have struggled with eating disorders. I will not go into all the details about all the different stages and degrees of it, it has had its super ugly moments though. BUT, that is okay because I am in the best place I have ever been and I continue to make huge strides on a weekly and could probably even say daily basis. I have actually not been in a super bad place with this stuff almost a year, I am truly making progress. It is wonderful! Christ's atonement truly does work miracles in our lives, not overnight but with our patience and time it can heal us.

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do, not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased."
                                       -Heber S. Grant

 I am so grateful for this trial. I know it has brought several blessings to my life, many I don't even recognize yet. I am closer to Heavenly Father. I have come to understand His unconditional love for me. This has in turn helped with my confidence. I have grown to understand the atonement and continue each day to feel the great power its influence offers. I have developed patience, with myself, others and with the Lord's timing. Also, I now have experience with something that many people struggle with. I can have empathy. I know how I will help my daughters and young women I will have influence over, to avoid the horrible feelings and ideals that I have learned to change within myself. This truly has been such a blessing! I feel like each day I am getting better and better. I believe if I can recognize and remember more often that this has and is a blessing to my life that I can more successfully turn this weakness into a strength.....

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I will make weak things become strong unto them."
                  -Ether 12:27

Oh how I love the simple but powerful truths of the gospel!

A thought I had last night that was quite motivating. I am not perfect by any means but I really really try to do my best and to live in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I feel I would give up anything in my life if it were to put my life more in line with His will. For some reason my eating disorders have not been that simple but last night I thought... "right now with your understanding, the maind thing in your life that is not in line with God's will is the last bit of mental/physical eating disorder stuff you deal with. This is the main block keeping you from having the opportunity to live with Heavenly Father again. Why would you ever let something so dumb keep you from the thing you desire most!? You can not even receive much more knowledge about where and how to align your will more fully with God's until you have done what He has already asked. You are almost there though- Satan is just putting in his last greatest effort, hoping to pull you all the way back down. Do not even give him a chance! You are the one with the body, meaning you have power over him. As it states in your blessing 'He [Satan] is not given the power to enter your life except through invitation.' Do not invite him in. 'Let virtue garnish thy thoughts... unceasingly.' D&C 121:45 " So this helped a lot today. I will not let this one stupid issue keep me from standing clean before Jesus Christ and God.

My eating disorder crap may seem more complicated at times than I have made it sound here.... but it really is not that complicated. Satan complicates the issue and mixes in feelings and the long history I have with this disorder to make me feel incapable of ever beating it. But it really is not that complicated. I must keep it simple and not let this dumb dumb dumb disorder keep me from moving forward and progressing towards eternal life. This is why I have felt so strongly that I should be striving to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost at all times because it simplifies things. The Holy Ghost will not confuse me but will bring clarity and reveal simple instruction and truth to my mind. This will erase Satan's ability to complicate and overcrowd my mind with unnecessary worries, concerns and thoughts.

I am so grateful for the gospel. I am grateful for trials. I am grateful for strength that comes from the atonement. I am grateful for the direction that comes from the Spirit. And I am grateful for God's unconditional, never ending love for me.