Weakness to Strength

I am so grateful for the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Today was a great day. I will probably have a few more of these kinds of days and than Satan will surely hit hard as he always seems too when I find myself making steps closer to God.

Some decisions I must make to align my will more with God's do not necessarily make sense at the time. I may not see how it will work or what blessings will come but for the most part I will do it with only the knowledge that Heavenly Father asked me too.

But then there is the main issue in my life- I have dealt with on a daily basis for years. And God has made very clear to me several  of the blessings I will receive if I choose to resist the temptations. The blessings will be endless and wonderful! Satan's influence in my life has been able replace those thoughts of glorifying God and the blessings I could receive by resisting temptation with thoughts of justification. It is so frustrating.

 I must say I have made GREAT progress in this area that I have struggled with since I was no older than the age of 8. Okay....... so I have struggled with eating disorders. I will not go into all the details about all the different stages and degrees of it, it has had its super ugly moments though. BUT, that is okay because I am in the best place I have ever been and I continue to make huge strides on a weekly and could probably even say daily basis. I have actually not been in a super bad place with this stuff almost a year, I am truly making progress. It is wonderful! Christ's atonement truly does work miracles in our lives, not overnight but with our patience and time it can heal us.

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do, not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased."
                                       -Heber S. Grant

 I am so grateful for this trial. I know it has brought several blessings to my life, many I don't even recognize yet. I am closer to Heavenly Father. I have come to understand His unconditional love for me. This has in turn helped with my confidence. I have grown to understand the atonement and continue each day to feel the great power its influence offers. I have developed patience, with myself, others and with the Lord's timing. Also, I now have experience with something that many people struggle with. I can have empathy. I know how I will help my daughters and young women I will have influence over, to avoid the horrible feelings and ideals that I have learned to change within myself. This truly has been such a blessing! I feel like each day I am getting better and better. I believe if I can recognize and remember more often that this has and is a blessing to my life that I can more successfully turn this weakness into a strength.....

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I will make weak things become strong unto them."
                  -Ether 12:27

Oh how I love the simple but powerful truths of the gospel!

A thought I had last night that was quite motivating. I am not perfect by any means but I really really try to do my best and to live in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. I feel I would give up anything in my life if it were to put my life more in line with His will. For some reason my eating disorders have not been that simple but last night I thought... "right now with your understanding, the maind thing in your life that is not in line with God's will is the last bit of mental/physical eating disorder stuff you deal with. This is the main block keeping you from having the opportunity to live with Heavenly Father again. Why would you ever let something so dumb keep you from the thing you desire most!? You can not even receive much more knowledge about where and how to align your will more fully with God's until you have done what He has already asked. You are almost there though- Satan is just putting in his last greatest effort, hoping to pull you all the way back down. Do not even give him a chance! You are the one with the body, meaning you have power over him. As it states in your blessing 'He [Satan] is not given the power to enter your life except through invitation.' Do not invite him in. 'Let virtue garnish thy thoughts... unceasingly.' D&C 121:45 " So this helped a lot today. I will not let this one stupid issue keep me from standing clean before Jesus Christ and God.

My eating disorder crap may seem more complicated at times than I have made it sound here.... but it really is not that complicated. Satan complicates the issue and mixes in feelings and the long history I have with this disorder to make me feel incapable of ever beating it. But it really is not that complicated. I must keep it simple and not let this dumb dumb dumb disorder keep me from moving forward and progressing towards eternal life. This is why I have felt so strongly that I should be striving to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost at all times because it simplifies things. The Holy Ghost will not confuse me but will bring clarity and reveal simple instruction and truth to my mind. This will erase Satan's ability to complicate and overcrowd my mind with unnecessary worries, concerns and thoughts.

I am so grateful for the gospel. I am grateful for trials. I am grateful for strength that comes from the atonement. I am grateful for the direction that comes from the Spirit. And I am grateful for God's unconditional, never ending love for me.

Remember: & yearn to return

A strong, great relationship between me and my Heavenly Father I believe already exists. The veil has made this relationship not as material in my mind. I do believe however it is not something I necessarily need to make stronger or develop but something I need to remember. I have derived this idea from my own thoughts and ideas so it may not be completely "correct". 

I know God loves me. I know before I came to Earth I loved Him dearly. I know I wanted to do everything in my power to glorify Him and make Him proud. I am almost certain I had a wonderful special relationship with my Father. He sees me as His daughter with divine potential. 

I must seek Him out. He must be waiting for me and knowing I will come to Him. I want to remember the relationship I have with Him. I want to miss Him greatly. I want to remember enough that I will be able to feel that strong desire to be with Him again (just as I miss family and friends here on earth when we are away from each other- or even stronger). If that desire can burn within my heart making daily choices will be simple. I would always act in a way that would bring me back to the Father I missed so greatly. 

I hope to feel that longing to be with Him as I pray to have a greater remembrance of our relationship. More prayer, service and listening to the Holy Ghost. :)

Never ending love

I feel my intentions in life are good. I desire to be living in a way that is pleasing to Heavenly Father. I have recognized through my study this morning that my thought process on how to improve is not quite right. It goes along a little with my post from yesterday. I studied the chapter in Preach my Gospel about charity and love.

"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."
                                                                           (footnote- ... for charity preventeth a multitude of sins.)
                        -1 Peter 4:8

I need to develop this pure love of Christ. This will take much dedicated thought and of course special attention to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Charity envieth not. This is one major area of charity in which I struggle. I used to DWELL on others talents and beauty and be super jealous. I have been working on this flaw having some improvement. I do not so much dwell anymore and am able to overcome the thoughts faster but I think I know how I am going to ride myself of any type of jealous thought. I am going to fill myself with love for everyone that I am joyous instead of jealous of their beauties, talents and strengths. I used to try and overcome this flaw by trying to recognize all the good within myself thinking "Yes they might be this way or that way but I have this or that going for me". Not the best way to go about it. Now that have actually written this out I realize how horrible of a thought process it is and I am ashamed I have thought this way. But that is the glorious part of the gospel because God loves us we are able to recognize our weaknesses and make them into strengths through the atonement. So I will turn this weakness to a strength. I will celebrate everyone's strengths and wish the best for everyone. This does not mean I cannot desire the to obtain the strengths and attributes of others because I strongly believe we can learn so much from others. We develop by noticing others strengths and how to build them in our own lives but it must be done in a righteous way.

This post is kind of scattered. Honestly all this is quite scattered in my brain. Thoughts that I will continue to nourish that these truths I have learned through the Holy Ghost this morning  may enter into my heart and mind creating an honest change in my character.

He that shall lose his life shall find it

I have a great desire to obtain knowledge. Spiritual knowledge. There is not enough time in the day for me to study from the standard works, prophets council, church manuals and books. I literally hunger to learn and learn. What a blessing to have so much instruction... again with these many blessings come much responsibility. What great responsibility it is.

In order to grow and master my natural man I need to be more focused on others. "I" should not be the prominent pronoun in my thoughts or actions. Think of Christ's life. I imagine all of His thought's and action's were for the benefit of someone besides himself. His purpose was to lift others. I desire to obtain this purpose in all I do. In every action, how am I helping others? The Holy Ghost will be the mechanism I use to live in this way.

I will learn to be a better teacher. I just started reading today "Teach Ye Diligently" by Boyd K. Packer. I did not want to pick this book out of my small library though I believe I was compelled by the spirit to choose it. As I started to read the first two chapters I kept thinking "ah, I just want to put this book down. I want to read something like Miracle of Forgiveness so I can focus on my own problems and spirituality and where I can improve in my own life. I need to be better in so many areas before I can teach others. Plus, I am not even a parent yet." I almost switched to a different book a few times as these types of thoughts circled through my brain. Then about half way into the 2nd chapter as I was about to close the book and grab a different one, it hit me. This is what I NEED to focus on! If I can turn my thoughts to helping others learn how to live righteously and be truly happy I will learn for myself much faster and deeper the things I desire to learn myself. I will become a better person by taking the focus off myself and my problems and turning it towards others.
     
 He that shall lose his life shall find it. 


Christ was a teacher. More than just a teacher. He was THE teacher. The perfect teacher. I am trying to be like Him. So I must strive to be a teacher as well. I must pray more, study more and ponder more about being an effective teacher, led by the spirit.

This is an area where I lack greatly. I am in need of much training. I have never really thought about my need to grow as a teacher. It is amazing the amount of improvement necessary in so many areas of my life, areas of my life that I am not even aware of, that hardly even exist at this point, such as being a teacher. It is so wonderful that as I am seeking, the Lord is blessing me with knowledge of where to work and pray for improvement!

And at different times in my life I would have been way overwhelmed to recognize all these flaws and weaknesses but because I am seeking them out with the Spirit I feel more peaceful and joyful than ever. I feel hopeful that I will be able to improve where the Lord sees necessary. This is because I have faith in Heavenly Father's perfect plan. I have the hope that I can be purified even as Christ is pure (Moroni 7:48). Even with the many flaws I do posses. Through Christ's atonement and my best efforts- anything is possible!

Living by your personal knowledge and understanding

"That ye contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thansgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you."
                                       -Alma 34:38

I have been more receptive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Still by no means perfect but I am improving. It is a wonderful feeling. I am filled with much more peace, hope and joy. I have more love and understanding in my heart. I am able to recognize prideful thoughts and then pray for humility.

Integrity: how a person acts in accordance to their knowledge and understanding of right and wrong. Am I a person of integrity? I feel I try but I could do much better. It is becoming easier to do as I am more sensitive to promptings. I am also gaining more knowledge of where there is needed improvement in several areas of my life. So exciting!

I am so grateful I am able to recognize my shortcomings, pray for humility and then with my efforts and Christ's atonement come closer to God by aligning my will with His. Where there are great blessings such as these there comes great responsibility! I must be more honest with myself and not allow Satan's justifications to enter my mind. As a person of integrity I need to be honest with myself in how I am really doing- and not by the world's standards or really anyone's standards except for the ones that God and I have set up together. I know as I strive to do this God will bless me with more direction for improvement in all areas of my life.

The scripture I wrote above is one that encompasses integrity. I greatly desire to acquire this attribute by being a person of integrity in relation to God, my fellow man and to myself.