So it has been a long long time since I wrote... almost a year. Sad! Not that anyone reads these but in the past it has really helped me. Well I guess I should mention that I journal almost daily so I have not completely fallen off the wagon. I think I should figure out how to make my blog cute with photos, videos, ect. but that's not my talent, probably never will be. Maybe I could hire someone... Chelsey? haha.
Okay so I guess I will slowly write about the things I have been learning the last 10 months
About a month ago I learned a very important lesson about the role of Jesus Christ in my life. I was upset because of some choices of family and friends. When I turned my thoughts toward my Father in heaven, my heart was full! I had never felt so loved or so peaceful in my life. There is not a person on the planet who can love me in that way. I was so grateful. We can not count on our best friends, our family members or anyone to always be there for us and never hurt us. We are all human. We all make mistakes. The Savior does not. He is ALWAYS there for us. To love us and comfort us. He will never leave us. Not for anything. I could have felt upset at my friends and family many times but I do not need those feelings because they can be filled with the love of Christ. and really that is all I need. I am grateful for the love of family and friends. I am grateful for the gift of forgiveness.
Speaking of forgiveness. I recently had a light bulb or what I like to call "no duh" moment. I realized how beautiful the gift of forgiveness is. This is a form of trusting in the Lord that helps us forgive and love those around us. When we are upset at someone or unforgiving, really we hold malice towards the Savior. The perfect sinless one. The man who has suffered that we might live. Because he has taken upon him the sins of every man he has taken upon him the suffering and punishment that come from those sins. He takes the persecution, hurt feelings, and anger of those who will not forgive. He knows and understands the sinner. And because he does you and I do not have to. All we have to do is love and trust in the role of Jesus Christ. What a gift! What a blessing to have such a heavy burden lifted if we choose. I do not think I am able to express how I feel or the things I was blessed to understand. It is difficult to put in words. I guess I will share a personal example.
Paul (my husband) will be the example because he is awesome :). He loves me and forgives me almost automatically. He understands the role of the Savior and trusts in him. Paul does not feel the need to reprimand me or be upset with me when I do dumb things(break his laptop, lose his things, be impatient, bossy, prideful and the list could go on and on) . This I believe is because he trusts that the Savior is teaching me what I need to know at the times I most need to learn them. He is humble and patient as he waits for me to learn and grow. He knows that his struggles are hard for him and imagines that mine are as hard on me as his are for himself and he has no desire to make my struggles more difficult. He trusts the Savior understands and that is enough for him to be patient, kind and loving. He seeks and recognizes the good. I am so grateful for Paul and all that he teaches me, mostly through his unconditional love and example. He gives me the love, support and encouragement I need to be the best possible me. His love is giving me the confidence to move forward each day in faith, improving, and moving closer and closer to my Heavenly Father. Just the way he lives helps me recognize where I need to improve and desire to do it and his unconditional love provides me with the hope I need to act. Thank you Paul Richard Garn!
This leads me to something else important I have realized about Paul. As I look back on where I was a year ago just before we began dating to where I am now I see the role Paul has played in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Paul has loved me in a way I never thought possible. Selflessly. As I have realized this I have learned about the way the Savior loves me. Paul I feel has been a stepping stone for me(and probably many others) to the Savior. And now the Savior is acting as my stepping stone to Heavenly Father. By the way he loves I am beginning to grasp a smalllllll particle of how much love God has for me. AH! there is just so much love going on around here. It's really crazy. But what I have learned from all this is what I want to be. What role I want to play. I want to be a part of all this love. I want to love everyone in a way that points them to Jesus Christ and then from there he will point them to Heavenly Father. This is how I can serve Him who loves and blesses me so much. I want everyone to feel what I have been blessed to feel and I want to glorify my Father in Heaven. I got a lot of work to do and I am grateful for it. And for all the Lord is teaching me. :)
I love the picture in my mind of all of us walking towards Heavenly Father together. We need each other. We can not do this alone. Lets LOVE and get on home! :)
So, remember that one time we went to Applebee's and you told me some of this stuff? I read my scriptures before bed that night. "I want to love everyone in a way that points them to Jesus Christ..." Gracias. Andddd I think your blog is cute. That was the first thought that came into my head after I saw that you posted something! :D
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